Setting Boundaries at Work and Home as a Work From Home Mom

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Setting boundaries at work can be difficult, but when you work from home, it can be more important than ever. Especially if your kids are at home, too.

Working from home can be such a wonderful thing, but if you’re unable to complete your work tasks, it’s not exactly feasible.

My husband and I both work from home, and we love it. But it’s taken some time to figure out how to make it work.

When I work at home, the kids are usually at their grandmum’s house. But my husband works full time, so we’re often home when he’s working.

Here, I’ll share some of what we’ve done to get to where working from home works well for us.

Recognize the Need for Boundaries

This one may seem silly, but if you don’t realize you need to set boundaries, it will continue to feel like the arrangement isn’t working.

So, the first step is recognizing when and where they’re needed. It’s a process to learn to set boundaries, especially if you grew up not having your boundaries respected, like so many of us.

If you were conditioned to say yes and ignore your own boundaries, it is really challenging to recognize when boundaries are needed.

But if you’re feeling anxious about not getting your work tasks done or completely ignoring your kids, that’s a good indication that boundaries are needed.

Communicate Your Limits Clearly

A key part of how to set boundaries is clear communication. Be direct but kind in your delivery when you decide on a boundary.

For example, if your kid asks you to play, but you need to go to your office to work, you can say, “I’d love to play with you. Right now, I need to go to my office to do some work, but I can play with you when I’m done. Try to think of something fun for us to do!”

Try not to over-explain yourself when communicating your limits. As a people pleaser, this one is very difficult for me. I’m getting better at it, but it takes a lot of practice.

I keep at it, though, because clear communication can help avoid misunderstandings and reduce any potential guilt you might feel.

You’ll still feel some guilt in the beginning, but I’ve been finding that that has started to go away the more I’ve practiced.

Prioritize Your Own Needs First

One of the most empowering aspects of learning to set boundaries is putting your needs first. It’s also probably one of the most challenging aspects if you’re a mom.

There is a seemingly never-ending list of things to do to care for your family. It can be overwhelming even if you’re doing just the bare minimum.

So, getting caught up in making everyone else happy is easy. It’s your default mode.

But your mental health is just as important. If you need a break, take it. You don’t need to spend every break with your family.

My husband and I often take exercise breaks when working. He does some bodyweight exercises, and I like to lift weights. We have things set up in our office to do it without having to leave. We pop our headphones in, listen to whatever music motivates us, and care for ourselves.

It can be challenging to break out of this way of thinking, but it gets easier the more you do it.

Remember, it’s ok to prioritize your well-being. In fact, I’d argue it’s beneficial for the whole family to do this.

Manage Expectations with Family

This one goes hand in hand with communicating your boundaries clearly. But especially with children, you need to manage their expectations.

Telling them one time what those boundaries and expectations are isn’t going to cut it. Kids need things to be repeated quite a bit before it’s second nature to them, especially when they’re little like mine.

Before every work day, it’s a good idea to let your kids know what to expect from that day. Let them know when you’ll go to your office, when you can take breaks with them, and when you’ll be done working.

They may eventually not need the reminders, but this prevents any upset because they’ve forgotten when you can spend time with them.

Limit Social Media Usage

This one can be tough for many, myself included. But, if I’m sitting on my phone instead of getting work done, I find I’m not as present with my kids.

I tend to spend the time that is set aside for my kids thinking about how much I need to get done instead of being present and engaged.

That’s not to say I don’t use social media at all—I definitely take breaks to scroll on my phone. But I’ll set a timer so I don’t get too caught up in it.

I also do my best to keep my phone in my pocket while with my kids. I’m certainly not perfect at this, but I work at it every day.

This way, I feel like I’ve had some time on social media, but I’m not letting it take over work or family time.

Say No to Overcommitting

This one is difficult for my husband and I. We have been chronic overcommitters since before we had kids.

There often wasn’t much downtime throughout our week. If we needed to reschedule things, there was always a lot of discussion and rearranging to try to fit something new in.

I will say that having kids has helped us curb this to a degree, but it’s something that we both still very much struggle with.

It’s very easy to overcommit with work and kids, so we fight this battle constantly!

But when we’re able to find more of a balance, we find that we all feel a lot better.

Create Routines

Having routines can be very beneficial for both parents and kids. If you have certain routines you do throughout your day, it helps everyone know what’s coming and helps to manage expectations.

Having a morning routine is very helpful for us. We do the same things in the same order every workday. My 4-year-old knows what’s next and doesn’t get upset that something that happened yesterday isn’t happening today.

But you can have routines throughout the day, too. Maybe you come out of your office to eat lunch with your family every day. Maybe take 10 minutes to play with your kids before getting started.

You don’t need to make it complicated. Just play around with it until you find something that works for your family.

Be More Self-compassionate

This one can be difficult for a lot of people, moms especially. Women tend to hold themselves to a higher standard than others.

So this one is going to take a lot of work. I’ve found it’s an ongoing project to work on.

The more I practice self-compassion, the better I get at it, but I certainly wouldn’t say I’ve mastered it.

Some days are good, and I can see all the good and not worry so much about the bad. But other days are a little more challenging.

I have to be conscious of it and really work at it to change my mindset. Every time I think a disparaging thought about myself, I do my best to correct that thought.

It takes a lot of practice, but I get better all the time.

Finding a Happy Balance

Learning to set boundaries can be difficult. You’ll definitely get some pushback from your kids. But if you can follow through, they eventually realize that you mean what you say.

It takes a bit of work, but we’ve found that the more we set boundaries and ensure they’re respected, the happier we are with our work-life balance.

It’s certainly not easy for us chronic people-pleasers, but it’s necessary for the happiness of our families.