How to Take Care of Yourself First
This post may contain affiliate links, which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure for more information.
I know this seems like an impossible idea. Being a mom means you’re constantly taking care of others. The list of care tasks I do daily for my two small children is seemingly never-ending.
But at some point, you realize you’re not taking care of yourself. For me, it was when I realized that I felt angry more often than not.
It’s second nature to put everyone else first. We’re conditioned to think that taking care of yourself is selfish.
I’ve realized it isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for the whole family’s well-being.
I realized I was on the fast track to depression and was able to voice that to my husband. Luckily, he’s a very supportive partner, and he made sure I did things to change my path.
Once I started doing things for myself, I became a better mom, partner, and person. I now use it as motivation to keep doing things for myself. It’s easier to do something if it’s for my family rather than just for myself.
Here are some small things you can do to learn how to take care of yourself first, too.
How to Start Taking Care of Yourself
The first step in how to start taking care of yourself is recognizing that your needs matter. If that initially feels too hard, tell yourself you’re doing it for your family. You’ll eventually get to the mindset of your needs being important.
Your well-being is just as important as everyone else’s and actually affects everyone else’s.
You’ll need to start setting healthy boundaries in relationships, which can be difficult. But it’s necessary because if you’re constantly saying “yes” to everything and everyone, you’re likely exhausted.
It will take some practice, but using clear and concise communication and learning to say “no” when something doesn’t serve you or your family’s best interests will begin to feel empowering.
Setting Boundaries with Family and Relationships
Setting boundaries with family, whether immediate or extended, is one of the biggest challenges for moms.
Maybe you have grandparents overstepping their role or other family members expecting too much of your time. Boundaries can make these relationships healthier.
Clear and concise communication is the key. It takes practice, but let others know what you can and cannot handle. You’ll feel guilty at first, but try to talk yourself out of that guilt. The more you do that, the more confident you’ll feel in setting boundaries.
For example, I hate when people drop by unannounced. If someone does this frequently, kindly but firmly say, “I love spending time with you, but I need a heads-up before visits.”
You don’t need to go into any explanations or reasoning. Just state what you need and do your best not to justify it. If there’s pushback, reiterate that you love them, but it’s not working for you.
Setting boundaries in relationships also means carving out time for yourself. This one can be difficult with small children.
I have a few ways I do this while making sure my kids’ needs are met.
Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are some easy, practical ways to fill your cup:
Listen to the music you want to listen to
We never got our kids into listening to kids’ music—we mostly introduced them to the music we like. So, most of the time, I let my 4-year-old pick the music we listen to.
But my husband and I have been making big Sunday breakfasts since we got together and have listened to the same playlist every Sunday morning.
My kids know that on Sunday mornings, they don’t get to choose the music. They don’t always like it, but they get over it pretty quickly because we’ve never budged on this.
Move Your Body
It took me a long time to get back to working out. I was over a year postpartum with my second before I started again.
I used to play roller derby and was used to feeling strong, and I realized I was struggling to run and play with my kids. I needed to feel strong again.
It hasn’t been the easiest, but I found a way to include my kids in some workouts. On work days, I take a half hour, do a weight lifting routine with my husband, and spend at least an hour on my walking pad. I also aim for 8,000-10,000 steps a day.
I am much happier, feeling stronger and more confident every day.
Engage in a Hobby
This one has been tough for me—I’ve had to get creative. I love all things crafty, and I could sit and create an entire day away and be happy.
But, when you have small children, things like knitting, cross stitching, and painting don’t fit well between all the care tasks.
I’ve been able to carve out small pockets of time for these things here and there, but I’ve also discovered things I can do with my 4-year-old.
I started canning last year, and I LOVE it! I started out wanting to make blueberry jam and liked it so much that I made dill pickles and Lady Ashburnham pickles, too.
We had so much that I made up Christmas baskets for our extended family. They were probably the most well-received gifts I’ve ever given.
Don’t hesitate to rediscover an old hobby or find a new one that brings you joy.
Make Time for Your Spouse
This one has definitely been a struggle for us. Two small children really get in the way of spending meaningful one-on-one time with your spouse.
It did for us, anyway. Before kids, we had weekly date nights and made each other a priority. After kids, it hasn’t been possible to do date nights very often.
But my husband and I carve out small pockets of time for each other. We work out together on the days I work. We also take a half hour to sit and chat with each other on work days.
And every night, we talk about the day, then sit on the couch with a snack and watch something together. It’s a small thing, but it’s made a huge difference in our relationship.
Other Things You Can Do to Put Yourself First
- Start your day with “me time”. Get up 15-30 minutes before your family to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee.
- Practice mindful breaks.
- Ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone.
A Happier You Means a Happier Family
When you learn how to take care of yourself, you teach your children the importance of self-respect and boundaries.
They see what it’s like to value your own well-being, and that sets a positive example for their future relationships.
Healthy boundaries in relationships create a more peaceful home, allowing everyone to thrive.
So, the next time you feel guilty about prioritizing yourself, remember this: Taking care of yourself first is one of the best things you can do for your family. A well-rested, happy mom is better— you deserve that happiness!
